CultMaster 2000:

Dear Friend Neighbor Cult Member Son-in-law Child of Hell Pervert Martial Artist Parasite Capitalist ,

When I first met you, I thought you were a nice person and was not too concerned that you were a Catholic a Lutheran a Jehovah's Witness a Presbyterian evangelical a Mormon a Methodist a Muslim a Buddhist a Republican a NRA member a pedophile a black belt a ninja an Amway Dealer . In fact, you stimulated my interest in your beliefs. I began looking into your belief system, and was soon shocked to find that you believe in salvation that requires works salvation without works salvation by predestination salvation without predestination salvation through guns martial arts multilevel marketing Elvis Buddha and that you reject plain Bible truth such as that found in Luke 24:36-41 John 4:24 Acts 7:55,56 John 10:30 Matt. 16:27 Eph. 2:8 Eph. 4:11-14 Isaiah 37:36 Luke 47:16 Newt 13:22 . Further, I was stunned to find that a seemingly intelligent person could possibly believe in absurdities such as infant baptism baptism by immersion baptism by sprinkling baptism of the dead baptism by jacuzzi baptism by fire baptism of the Spirit karate motivational workshops or, worse still, that you could believe in Biblical innerrancy errors in the Bible the Apocrypha the Book of Mormon the Old Testament the New York Times Windows 95 Pat Robertson tae kwan do grossly inflated prices . Anyone that adheres to such heresies is obviously not an authentic Christian human being Republican Democrat environmentalist computer user artist athlete entrepreneur . In fact, I must warn you - in the spirit of pure love - that you are a member of a cult a lost and fallen soul a Satan worshipper a blight on society a threat to humanity a right-wing extremist a left-wing extremist an undecided extremist a journalist brainwashed dangerous intolerant taking away my customers and as such, you cannot be saved be a Christian live near me be trusted marry my daughter be my friend be tolerated reach Nirvana cash my check join my cult .

I pray that you will return to the truth true church Republican party Democratic party way of life 20th century American way Tao Bible old job you had . There is still hope for you.

Sincerely Diplomatically With love A pox on you A thousand curses I feel your pain Just do it Eat cheese or die Sayonara No more catalogs! ,