In response to several requests, I will recount my conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a few subsequent experiences. My purpose is to explain what I know to be true and why I know it.

To help the reader understand why I have made certain choices, I will begin at my mortal beginning.  I was born in Houston, Texas in 1966 to unwed college students. I am told that my birth father offered marriage after discovering my birth mother was pregnant, but she declined due to his involvement with another woman. Neither of my birth parents had any other children. Now, this may seem to be a less than auspicious beginning, but I believe that my story will demonstrate that the Lord is mindful of all of his children and his hand was upon me from the very beginning of my life.

Shortly after my birth, I was placed for adoption. My adoptive parents divorced when I was three, primarily due to my father's severe alcoholism, and I have no memories of them being married. Both of my parents had been married before and both subsequently remarried after their divorce. My adoptive parents also had adopted a daughter prior to their divorce. My mother bore a son in her subsequent marriage. My father had four daughters from his previous marriage. Each of my step-parents had children from their previous marriages. As one can see, there was a little instability in my family background.

I was raised in the home of my adoptive mother and my step-father, along with their son and my adoptive sister, from my mother's previous marriage to my adoptive father. I visited my adoptive father on weekends.

While all of my parents loved me, I had a number of trying experiences when I was growing up. I was sexually abused and still bear some scars of those incidents today. My family instability and history of abuse led me to be somewhat shy and withdrawn, as well as subject to deep depression. Also, while my father had quit drinking after my parent's divorce, both my mother and step-father developed alcohol addictions which lasted for most of my childhood.

There was no religious discussion in my mother's home. I believe this was mainly due to my step-father's previous associations. He had not enjoyed his Roman Catholic upbringing and had no desire to associate with any religion. When I visited my father, I sometimes went with him to his Lutheran church. While I remember very little about my experiences there, I remember that I enjoyed my Sunday School classes, but was uninterested in the sermons.

My family itself is very religiously diverse. Two of my sisters married Protestant ministers, one sister converted to Catholicism, and my father and his wife presently attend a Presbyterian church. 

While I was a college student, my roommate's father, who owned the apartment, decided to cease leasing to non-family members. Since I did not have a formal lease, he decided to evict me without notice. It is at this point that the Lord took a more direct interest in my life.  A friend of mine offered to let me stay in her home until I sorted out my prospects. Karen, an LDS widow, lived alone with her teenage son. Her act of charity would have a lasting impact on my life.

Shortly after I moved in, we experienced a series of robberies in the home. Her son had apparently bragged to some people at school that his father, a former Marine, had a rather extensive gun collection. A local teenage gang decided that they could use the guns more than the present owners. One night, as I was in the living room reading a book in the living room, I heard her say quite calmly and clearly, "John, go call the police." I looked up and saw her trying to shut the backdoor as something was attempting to force it open. I ran quickly to assist, but as I did so, I noticed a figure enter the house through a side window. He pulled out a pistol and said something to the effect of "Don't move or you are dead!"

My first thought was to go to the back bedroom and dial 911, but I had a sudden feeling that I should leave the house immediately. I turned and ran as quickly as I could out the front door. While this left me in the gunman's line of site for about 10 steps, I decided to follow the prompting anyway. After escaping the house, I proceeded to knock on the doors on various neighbors houses and shouted for them to call the police. Then, I returned to help my friends in the house. It turned out that as soon as I made it out the front door, the would-be robbers, about five or six of them, decided to leave the premises. I gave chase on foot through the neighborhood for a long period and missed one of the gang by only a few inches, but eventually lost them in the darkness, and returned home.

When the police arrived, we discovered that the robbers had cut the phone line. The police said that we had been very fortunate that I managed to get out of the house since it was obvious to them that they had intended a prolonged visit. When they asked me what prompted me to exit the house instead of going to another phone in the house (which would have been quicker and less dangerous), I told them I did not know but it seemed right to me. They suggested my choice was quite providential.

After the first break-in, the robbers returned and stole the guns. This time, it was during the day when no one was home. The guns were eventually recovered by the police, but were stolen again there after. Originally, my friend Karen had offered me a temporary place to stay until I found other arrangements. But after these break-ins occurred, she said I should not feel rushed to leave as she felt safer having me for a tenant. I ended up staying for about 4 years and Karen became the big sister that I always needed.

On several occasions, Karen offered to introduce me to her Church -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had no interest in religion at that time and respectfully declined. I was simply too proud and jaded at that point in my life. However, the Lord would soon remove my pride. I should mention that through the family stability that I enjoyed with Karen and Ben, her son, much of the pain from my childhood was alleviated to some degree. I started to become a normal healthy person, as far as the world was concerned, though the Lord intended for me to make far greater progress.

At 24, I began seriously dating a Baptist girl, named Amy, and we contemplated marriage. After we broke-up, I began a campaign to win her back. As part of my efforts I began attending her Church. This marked my first association with organized religion as an adult . I bought an NIV Bible and began studying it. However, my efforts to win Amy back proved fruitless and I was left heartbroken.

During this period, I attempted suicide as I simply could see no purpose to my life. I took a combination of various prescription pills, about 150 in number, and washed them down with a considerable amount of vodka. I remember drifting into sleep and little else. I awoke about 36 hours later with a terrible headache, but no other ill effects. I remember being somewhat frustrated about my failure since I had carefully planned my attempt. However, while I did not know the Lord at that time, he knew me and had further plans for me.

For a time, I still attended Church because it filled a need within me. My relationship with Amy brought up my issues from my childhood that I had never worked through. However, while I liked the people, the Baptist church did not seem to match my view of true religion. 

It was during this time, that a mutual friend of Karen and myself made some rather disparaging remarks about the LDS faith. My curiosity was aroused and I decided to serve as arbitrator and investigate the allegations for myself. I read a considerable amount of anti-Mormon material and compared it with actual LDS teachings.  Karen had a rather extensive LDS library which facilitated my research.

I quickly determined that other Churches, including the Baptist one I attended, seriously slandered the Latter-day Saints. I began to wonder: why do they go to so much trouble? As I studied the teachings of the LDS Church ever more closely, I soon developed the feeling that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was indeed the Lord's true Church. Furthermore, as I studied the teachings of the gospel, my heart was softened and I began to heal from the earlier pains of my life. There were a number of things that facilitated my initial conversion. 

First, LDS doctrines seemed consistent with my own personal views.  For example, I have always believed in a premortal existence.   I just knew we came from somewhere before we are born.  Second, a number of the unresolved concerns I had as a Baptist were explained by the restored gospel.   For example, Baptists believe that all non-Christians spend all eternity suffering in hell even if they are really good people.  I could not believe a just God would damn a good Muslim to hell forever just because he was unfortunate enough to be born in a country the gospel was not taught (and therefore could not be accepted).  I found LDS Teachings About the Afterlife to be quite fair and impartial, as I knew God must be.  Third, there was a genuine warmth about LDS people.  They lacked the hate and mean-spiritedness so prevalent in other churches.   Fourth, and most important, the Holy Spirit kept calling me into the Church.

Still, it took me several months to work towards baptism. I have always been somewhat of a skeptic and I needed to overcome my doubt about "gold plates" and the "ministry of angels".   I studied the gospel with a voracious appetite and read dozens of Church books from Karen's library. Finally, I reached the decision point.  I had satisfied myself as much as possible that the Church was true.  I had studied all of the external evidences and I had received internal confirmation from the Spirit.  I took the leap of faith that all converts must make and was baptized on December 29, 1991.

My first serious temptation came less than a week later. I had been chasing a beautiful young girl for several years off-and-on. She had always rebuffed any efforts to be more than friends. Finally, about a week after my baptism, she offered me an intimate liaison. I thought her timing was somewhat impeccable. After chasing her for four years, why did she decide to stop running now, only a week after my baptism? While the offer was tempting, for she really was quite attractive, I remembered the peaceful spiritual feelings that accompanied my baptism. I decided those feelings were worth more to me than whatever she had to offer.

It was shortly after this incident that I had one of the more remarkable spiritual experiences in my life. While I was passing the Sacrament, I was carried away in the Spirit and saw a vision. The Savior came to me, dressed in a white robe with a red sash tied around his midsection, and offered me a drink from a silver chalice. The chalice was filled with blood which I instinctively knew was symbolic of his atoning blood. When the vision ended, I was back in the chapel at the Sacrament table.

After this experience, while I had one of the happier periods of my life, it was filled with some sadness. I had to back out of recreational activities on the Sabbath, which alienated me from some long-time friends. They could not understand why I could no longer be the person that I used to be. But I had become committed to living after the manner of happiness, and as much as I loved old friends, the gospel had to take priority.

After I had been in the Church for a year, I decided to serve a mission. I completed the paperwork and required medical exam. However, owing my age and the debt I had accumulated in college, my local Church leaders suggested that a mission was not an appropriate choice for me. Instead, they suggested that I should pursue marriage opportunities. I dated unsuccessfully for a while, but was unable to make a connection due to the small number of candidates in my area and my very conservative religious views.

All religious denominations, including Latter-day Saints, have members of various commitment to their respective beliefs. By this time, I had developed a very firm commitment to accept and follow the teachings of the prophets "as they were written." This is not to imply that I was or am a perfect person, free from all sin and error, but to simply say that my intent was and is to follow the teachings of the Church as closely as possible.

This conservatism, when it came to the gospel, would make it very difficult for me to obtain an eternal companion. In addition to your standard courtship practices, I even tried a few unusual methods to seek after potential mates. After some period of time, I met a nice young woman from a good LDS family. After several months of getting to know one another, we decided to marry. Unfortunately, she got cold feet two weeks before the wedding. I determined that part of the problem may have been the distance aspect of the relationship. She was presently living in her parents' house in Arizona and I was in Texas.

After praying about it, I decided to move to Arizona and attempt to rekindle the romance. My father was very upset that I had quit a good job in the middle of a recession, but I had a spiritual prompting and I was determined to follow it. Furthermore, the prospects of a temple marriage were far more important than a job. I remember that when I boarded the plane for Arizona I had one of the most calm and peaceful feelings I had ever had in my life.

By prompting me to go to Arizona, I assumed that the Lord was telling me that with a little effort I would be able to re-win the girl's affections. However, this was not to be the case. As one can see, I have a tendency for loyalty and perseverance. This was to serve me in good stead later on.

After some time, I found myself in a dilemma. My ex-fiancee was determined to be just that, an ex-fiancee, and I was unemployed in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the great depression. I had spent my savings and was destitute. I had no more money for food or rent. In connection with these circumstances, I received my last pay check. Unfortunately, I also owed tithing from my previous employment. As it so happened, the amount I owed the Lord almost exactly matched the amount of my last check. It took me about ten minutes to decide upon a course of action. Deciding to trust in the Lord, I paid my tithing and tried to develop other ways to pay my rent.

After some pondering my situation and seeking advice from my Bishop, I moved to Utah and applied to the graduate business program at Brigham Young University. Since I had no savings, it was necessary that I use student loans to support myself.

I was not able to start classes for almost a year and busied myself with studying the gospel and attending the temple. At this time, the temple president felt impressed to offer me the opportunity to serve as an ordinance worker in the Provo Temple. When I was not serving in the temple, I busied myself by taking religion classes. Before I started business school, I had managed to take about 60 hours in religion. I shall always be grateful to all of my instructors for the personal time they spent with me, but especially to Dr. Robert J. Matthews and Dr. Joseph Fielding McConkie for their patience for my unending questions. This period was one of the happiest of my life.

I had a number of very spiritual experiences during this time. One of the greatest occurred when I was administering an anointing in the temple. I had completed two shifts and was very tired. However, a brother came in and requested that we do a list of names. He said he had just returned from a trip with the names of previously unknown relatives that had "just fallen into his lap." He felt that he could not wait another day to have the work done. The initiatory team, including myself, agreed to stay past our shift and complete the work. The Spirit seemed to be on us very strongly as we worked through the list of names.

As we did so, I looked up and saw a spirit personage standing beside us. I saw him just as clearly as I saw the patron and other workers. He watched the ordinance work with great interest. As I sealed the anointing on the last person, I instinctively knew that this was the person whose name we had just completed. I also knew that this person had waited for over 200 years for this very work to be done. As we finished the initiatory ordinances, I noted that the proxy descendant, selected one card and proceeded towards the endowment. It was the name of the spirit personage who had joined us. Together, they departed to perform the endowment. While I knew that much of the work that we had done that day would never be efficacious (because the deceased persons were not willing or eligible to accept it), I also knew that one soul would be freed from the spirit prison and would enter the paradise of God. This experienced really strengthened my testimony of the importance of temple work.

Unfortunately, while I was having great success in some areas of my life, despite being surrounded by multitudes of single LDS women, I found dating very difficult. While there were various factors which contributed to my difficulties (e.g., somewhat older than the average student, not a returned missionary -- something every faithful LDS girl looks for, undeveloped social skills, etc.), the biggest issue was my unyielding conservatism on gospel issues.

The Church has a number of basic teachings concerning family life. For example, the Church teaches that all women should stay home to take care of their children. Yet, it seemed as though every girl I met was determined to have a career. The Church teaches that birth control should not be practiced. Yet, every girl I met seemed to want to limit her family.

After awhile, a darkness started to develop in my life. For several years, I had experienced wondrous spiritual experiences, a few of which I have related in this narrative. But these experiences seemed to grow into distant memories as I "let loose of the iron rod and wandered into the mists of darkness."

People often ask how the Three Witnesses of the Book of Mormon could leave the Church after their extraordinary experiences. Likewise, I have taken a number of Book of Mormon classes. In each class, the question is always asked how could Laman and Lemuel rebel against God, when they had such marvelous manifestations presented to them? From my personal experience, I can say that you have to endure to the end of your days. Anyone can fall if they are not careful.

While I managed to avoid any major sin or transgression, I started to lose my love for the Church. While I knew that the gospel was true, it just seemed that I would never be able to participate fully in it.  It wasn't just not being able to find an appropriate match, but it was the way I was treated by my fellow Saints at BYU, especially my assortment of roommates. While many of them claimed to accept me into their social circles, I began to suspect that their acceptance was only superficial.

These events caused me to really degenerate spiritually. I started developing a great deal of bitterness, which was exhibited in a number of ways.  At this time, I was faced with two great temptations. First, I met a member of a Mormon Fundamentalist group and attended several of their meetings with him. There were many things that I found appealing about their beliefs and practices.  However, in the back of my mind, I could feel the Spirit whispering that they were not the Lord's authorized servants.

Second, an old girl friend from my past called me up and tried to re-ignite our relationship. Having been rejected by a full host of the daughters of Israel, my old nonmember girlfriend's offer was quite tempting. However, one of my roommates encouraged me to hang in there and trust in the Lord's deliverance. It had been the first time in two years that one of my roommates had borne a testimony to me. His testimony and our subsequent discussions seemed to rekindle the fire that had almost gone out. For that, I will always be grateful to him. This experience taught me the importance of sharing our testimonies with others.

I decided to move into another apartment and found roommates that were somewhat less detrimental to my spirituality. I started reading my scriptures and praying again. I soon rekindled my testimony.  It was at this time that the Lord decided I was ready for the next step in my eternal growth. I met a lovely young woman from Mexico who invited me to attend her ward. We became best friends and she was the anchor of fellowship I had been needing since my move to BYU. I can authoritatively say that the fellowship of a good woman is invaluable. 

It was at this time that another pretty young woman introduced herself to me as I was visiting my friend from Mexico.  While this event may seem rather ordinary, it was rather startling to me. It had been years since a girl had actually made a special effort to get to know me, especially a young attractive one. Doing what any man would do in these circumstances, I asked her out. Now, by this time, I was somewhat jaded when it came to the young women of the Church. Therefore, I gave her a really hard time. Not wanting to waste a lot of energy on an incompatible relationship, I drilled her after only a couple of dates.Every time I asked her how she felt about a particular subject (e.g., working mothers, birth control), she gave a response that exactly correlated with my own belief. It was amazing!  After only a few weeks, I knew this was the girl for me, so I proposed marriage and, surprisingly enough, she accepted. And here is where the trouble began.

In fairness to her parents, you have to look at it from their perspective, you send your 18 year old daughter off to BYU, your oldest child, to fulfill a host of dreams. You imagine that she will call in a couple of years announcing her engagement to a young returned missionary with an apostolic last name. Instead, she calls you up after only a few weeks and lets you know she is engaged to a 27 year old convert, who did not serve a mission, and comes from a very dysfunctional family. Most parents would have been somewhat hesitant to bless the union. Needless to say, they were not very excited, but after a year of getting to know one another, Jenny and I were finally married in the Denver temple for time and all eternity.  From this experience, I learned that the Lord often makes a person wait for an extended period to receive a blessing.  However, it is always worth the wait.

In the first year of our marriage, Jenny became pregnant, much to our delight and the delight of our family. Unfortunately, we lost our child in a miscarriage. In connection with this loss, we were informed that Jenny was at extreme risk of developing cancer. The particular type of cancer was easily curable with treatment, but was always terminable without it. Since no treatments could be offered during pregnancy, the doctors very strongly advised us not to get pregnant for at least a year.

Jenny and I really struggled over our decision on this matter due to our mutual feelings about birth control. It's easy to hold fast to a gospel principle when you have nothing to lose, but the real test comes when you face significant negative consequences for making right choices.

Jenny and I decided to leave it to the Lord whether we would get pregnant and lived after a natural manner. For several months, she went through her weekly and, later, monthly cancer testing and everything seemed normal. Then, she did become pregnant. At this time, the cancer tests started showing up very poorly. We spend several months seeing various doctors, including some specialists. Finally, one specialist said that he wanted one more test to be sure, but it was clear that we needed to abort our baby so that Jenny would be eligible for treatment. Jenny and I had already made our decision some time ago. Under absolutely no circumstances would we ever consider aborting our child, even if it meant that Jenny would die. The medical community could not understand our position. To them, it was an easy choice. Abort this baby and then wait a year or two (after Jenny cleared the cancer treatments) and have another one.

However, to us, this was not just "a fetus". It was a child of God that had been given into our hands to tend and care for. And both of us were prepared to die to protect it. It was at this time that we experienced the hand of the Lord upon our family. After a series of prayers and priesthood blessings, Jenny experienced a complete turn-around. All of her tests started showing up normal and she went on to deliver a healthy, beautiful baby girl, whom we named Sarah after the mother of Isaac.

It's strange how God works sometimes. If we had listened to the voice of men, however well-intended, our daughter would have been dead. Instead, because we obeyed God, both Jenny and Sarah lived. From this experience, I learned that we should obey God no matter the personal cost to us. I realized that he is indeed mindful of us and will fulfill all of his promises.

While this is a somewhat abbreviated story of my conversion, I hope that the reader will now understand why I know that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Kingdom of God on the earth. The foundation of the Church is personal spiritual experience and it is my solemn testimony that the Lord will reveal himself to all those who diligently seek him, continually and forever. 

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